Life is Changing

I have days where I am overwhelmed with the things that God is saying to me. As I have said previously, this is a time in my life that I am walking by faith, completely putting all of my trust in Jesus, looking for His direction. I know that is how we are supposed to live our lives, but this is the most intense season so far in my life. I sold everything to go where Jesus told me to go and then He brought me back home. Why? I have no idea, but I do know that I am continuing to trust in Him.

Moving to Denmark was the best thing that could happen to me, it allowed me to get out of the everyday rhythm of life. To see life and God from a different angle, putting things into a different perspective. Causing me to think outside of the box and realize that there is more to life and to God than what I know. He began to challenge me, am I really willing to give everything up for Him? Will I trust Him even when life doesn't go according to "the plan"? Am I willing to take risks for Jesus? To look like a fool for Jesus? What did Jesus do when He was on the earth, was His life consumed with church stuff as we know it today? Is there more to 'church life' than what I have experienced in my short life? What is it that is missing? Those questions have caused me to search for an answer. I don't have the answer, but I have found some interesting things in my search. I have visited some churches that do things differently and I have begun to read books secular and christian to see what it is about my current "church" life that isn't quite fulfilling the purposes that God has for me, and maybe others.

Most recently, I just finished reading The Irresistible Revolution: living as an ordinary radical by Shane Claiborne.

While the book puts the desire on the inside of me to be a hippie for Jesus, I don't think that is exactly what I am supposed to do. However, it did cause me to evaluate my life, my beliefs, my passions, and what I am going to do in this transitional point. Do I stay here and get back into the normal daily grind, or do I stay here and start to make some simple changes that will alter the path of my life, and hopefully a few others?

This book has made me wonder... How many layers of insulation have I put between the poor and myself? How many short term missions trips have I taken or "distant acts of charity" have I participated in to make myself feel like I have done my "duty" of helping the less fortunate? What are my actual thoughts on war? Am I content to admire and worship Jesus, but not do what He did? How radical am I willing to live?

Instead of getting answers, I seem to be getting more questions. I think this means I'm going in the right direction.

The U.K. once again

Current location: Oxford, U.K.
Current weather: Cloudy with rainy precipitation (typical)

Aww, to be in the U.K. once again. I arrived yesterday at London Heathrow just before noon, I had a lovely plane ride. On the long journey, 7 1/2 hours, I had a window seat and in the seat next to me was a lovely guy from the Netherlands. However the lady behind him wasn't so lovely and kept kicking his chair so he was moved to economy plus, which didn't bother me a bit as I had two seats all to myself!

I whisked through the airport and was able to catch the 1220 bus to Oxford. We arrived about 15 minutes early so I had to wait a bit for Aeriole. Upon getting restless I decided to walk around a bit and found a lovely open air market. As I walked around a building to the bus stop I heard a squeal and a rush of pink as Aeriole rushed over and gave me a hug. It was so nice to see her. When I got on the plane I was tired and decided I wasn't in the mood to go and see strangers, it was very comforting to know that Aeriole would be on the other side of my journey.

We walked about Oxford and then to Aeriole's house...it's all a bit hazy at this point, I was quite tired. We hung out at Aeriole's for a while, had some dinner, took a shower and headed off to her Emmaus group which is similar to home groups. I tried my hardest to stay awake, pinching myself, shifting positions, but it all seemed useless, sleep was determined to overtake me. Just when I was about to give up and lay my head on Aeriole's shoulder, they decided to pray and as they were asking for prayer requests I heard one of them mention my name and I was suddenly snapped into reality. They asked me what I needed prayer for, it took me a bit as I was a bit flustered with all of the grogginess when I finally said "Denmark, and I need a job, and I need to learn the language." Then Steven, one of Aeriole's housemates, said they should pray for me separately than the other requests. And so they did. They prayed as if I had heard my thoughts and worries over the last several weeks and months. It was amazing, the words they spoke were truly from God. Some of them even had prophetic pictures and words. In my gratefulness I felt a bit of guilt, I hadn't said a word most of the evening because I was so exhausted, and yet they still blessed me. And didn't just pray "nice prayers" but genuinely sought the heart of God. What a blessing!

So, today, Thursday. Aeriole and I started the day off racing the bus to the bus stop. We reached the first bus stop with no bus in sight so continued to the next one, until the bus finally caught up with us on the about the fourth stop. We arrived at chapel right one time. The bible college is participating in the Lenten season so it was all about giving something up or doing "good acts". It was actually quite impressive, we talked about what Lent is, and they gave ideas of what to give up or do. We worshiped and had communion.

The guy initiating communion said that as they came up to get the bread and wine to bring the paper that you had written your Lenten sacrifices on place it on the table then take communion. He said they didn't want any of the bread to be left because this is a time about receiving from God. Take large portions that is what this fasting season is about. It was a great analogy and none of the bread was left.

I would love to write more as it is now the end of the day, but I am just too tuckered out...so maybe more tomorrow. We had a great kickoff to the conference tonight, but I will have to tell you another day.

Re: Valentine's Day

Yesterday was the over-commercialized holiday to remind you to tell your significant other how they mean to you. I heard many mixed emotions about this "holiday" yesterday. Some couples say it's just another day, others make big plans to celebrate with chocolate and flowers and big romantic dinners. And then there is the singles perspective. Some singles are jealous of couples and get depressed, others don't even notice it came and went.

I heard a disturbing comment yesterday as I was chatting with two friends, one married and one single. The married one stated she didn't really care about Valentine's day it was just another day. The single one went on to talk about how it was "Single's Awareness Day." I have heard this phrase before and everytime it gets me the wrong way. Single's Awareness Day, really? So it's a day for couples to celebrate and for single's to soak in self pity? Poor me, I'm not married and I don't have a boyfriend. Wait? poor me? I'm not poor because I don't have a significant other. Why am I trying to define who I am by my relational status. I am not better off or worse off because I'm single. I am who I am.

What I'm trying to say is, why are we not celebrating the happy couples? Why do we have to put a negative light on a day that is meant to celebrate people being joined together. I am truly happy my parents are happily married, even though I don't always like the PDA. And besides that, I am content with being who God created me. I love being single because I know that if I was married I probably wouldn't get to do all of the cool things God has planned for my life right now if I was married. It would be nice to have someone to make those hard decisions with or to have that constant support and covering. But I have Jesus and no one can replace Him in my life. I am not going to live my life consumed with finding a guy when God wants me to be consumed with Him. I am pro marriage and I hope to one day be married, but until that day, I am not going to let being single hold me back from being all that God has created me to be.

God is my covering and has put great parents and many spiritual dad's and mom's in my life. He has given me a support system across the nations. I have brothers and sisters younger and older that pray for me and love me just as I am, even when I'm an opinionated jerk. One day I will get married and it will be grand but until then I am going to passionately continue as God has planned, whatever that is... ;)

Part 2

I had started part 1 a few days ago and actually finished it yesterday but never got around to publishing the post...so today will be a continuation.

I arrived in Pittsburg on a Monday, Obi's Birthday to be exact. And I went to chapel Tuesday morning. It was so good to see all of the kids, most of them didn't know I was back so it was quite a surprise for them. I received lots of hugs and told them how much I had truly missed them! As I was talking to Mr. Gray, Mercedes came up from behind me and just stared at me, as if I wasn't real. Mr. Gray chuckled and said, she's really here, you're eyes aren't lying to you. She gave me a huge hug and didn't leave my side the rest of chapel. I think I was the closest thing to Aeriole she could relate to. She even told me that I reminded her of her sister...she really misses Aeriole! Since then, everytime she sees me she comes and gives me a huge hug and tells me something about England or Aeriole :)

I have enjoyed being with the kids immensely, they bring so much life to this world. I was in the 6th grade the other day and it has 6 boys. I think there teacher was a bit worried about how they would behave for me so she left plenty for them to do, but I had a great time with them. We even skyped my sister, who was their preschool teacher, they all still remember her and love seeing her and her kids. When I was with the 5th grade we skyped Aeriole, which was really special because her brother is in 5th grade.

Last night we had a fantastic youth group! Well, we always have a fantastic youth group, but we had an awesome time together. Obi and Andrea were having family time with Micah and Sarah, so Christian and I hung out with the kids at my parents. I remebered years ago Doug saying the most important thing is to get these kids in the presence of God. So Christian and I decided to do just that. We told them we don't care what you do on the outside as long as you touch God on the inside. Christian and I both shared some thoughts from the Bible then turned on some worship music and for the next hour and a half worshipped Jesus then prayed together. I loved seeing their responses, they are hungry for more of Jesus and He was with us. Some walked around, some kinda lounged in their chairs, one found a corner and was almost hidden, but ALL touched God. His presence was here and you could here their hearts in there prayers. Some shared things God had shown them and others brought an encouraging challenge to their peers.

Part 1

I have been in the US for over two weeks and boy has it flown by! The first few days I was in Lawrence with my sister's family, it was so great to spend time with them especially my niece and nephew! Alynna is three and says the funniest things when she isn't asking why about everything in the world. Grant is fully living up to his nickname "monster" constantly getting into things and jumping all over his mom and Ava. One funny Alynna story: As we were driving to Pittsburg I reached back to Alynna and felt wetness on her legs. She was recently potty trained and so I thought maybe she had an accident, when I asked her she said no. So I then asked, "why are your pants so wet?" She told me in all seriousness, "I watered the flowers so they would grow big." Her pants were brown with brightly colored flowers all over. It was so cute!

I must admit it was a bit weird being back in the States, especially since I hadn't expected it so soon. I was coming "home" but I realized, I don't have a house or even a room. I don't have a bed or pillow...what am I going to do? where will I sleep? Of course mom and dad live here so I can always stay with them, but I've never lived in this house. It wasn't quite the same.

I quickly jumped into the flow of things, we went to a small birthday party for a close friend my first night in town. Then to chapel the next morning and from there life has been busy with substitute teaching, reconnecting with friends, and getting settled.

Disappointment or Faith

"I'm sorry, I know you are sad." "I'm glad you are back, but I'm sorry because I know you are so sad." "I know you are disappointed. What's your plan now?" Sad. Disappointed. Sad. Disappointed. These are words I've heard over and over the last few days, and actually I'm not really sad or disappointed. Sure the first few days of finding out I had to leave Copenhagen were a bit painful and emotional, but it didn't last. My hope isn't in living in Copenhagen or Europe for that matter. My hope is in the same place it was when I left Pittsburg and arrived in Copenhagen. It still is and will always be in Jesus.

I like plans. I like to have a destination. You know how some people go on vacation and they pull over at every rest stop and take there time in each gas station. They pull over just to look at the scenery and take pictures as they enter each new state. Well, I'm not a journey person, I'm a destination person. I have a plan and I stick to the plan, I race the GPS to my destination. I find a thrill in knocking the minutes off of the predicted arrival time.

The last three and a half months I have been on a journey. I sold everything for this journey, and if I didn't sell it, I gave it away. I was so excited about arriving. But I never arrived, I just kept going. I threw myself in head first and enjoyed every minute. I opened up and gave my life. I stopped and took pictures at every new state I entered, I pulled over at rest stops along the way. I even leisurely walked through the gas stations.

It wasn't always easy, some days I tried to speed up, I tried to stick with the plan. Everytime I got frustrated because I wasn't at the right mile marker, I had to refocus and I would realize it wasn't about the destination, it was about the journey. Suddenly peace would come and I would know, this is right. So when I passed by Immigration Services I saw the mile marker and paniced. Thinking, "this is all wrong, what have I been doing? This is no time to lolligag!"

"So, what's your plan now?" I have no idea, I don't really have a plan. I'm waiting on God. Why am I afraid to say those words...I'm waiting on God. Why am I afraid people are going to think I am a fool? or a superspiritual unpractical person? It's really just the truth. I'm waiting on God, trying to have patience, anxious about what tomorrow will bring, and clinging to the promises He's given me. After all, isn't He all we have anyway. Everything else will go away, but He will remain. So, I will wait because I know that He is faithful. I am not sad, I am not disappointed. How could I be disappointed in God's plan? Isn't He perfect, does it not say that He causes all things to work together for good for all those who love God, to those who are called to His purpose?