Disappointment or Faith

"I'm sorry, I know you are sad." "I'm glad you are back, but I'm sorry because I know you are so sad." "I know you are disappointed. What's your plan now?" Sad. Disappointed. Sad. Disappointed. These are words I've heard over and over the last few days, and actually I'm not really sad or disappointed. Sure the first few days of finding out I had to leave Copenhagen were a bit painful and emotional, but it didn't last. My hope isn't in living in Copenhagen or Europe for that matter. My hope is in the same place it was when I left Pittsburg and arrived in Copenhagen. It still is and will always be in Jesus.

I like plans. I like to have a destination. You know how some people go on vacation and they pull over at every rest stop and take there time in each gas station. They pull over just to look at the scenery and take pictures as they enter each new state. Well, I'm not a journey person, I'm a destination person. I have a plan and I stick to the plan, I race the GPS to my destination. I find a thrill in knocking the minutes off of the predicted arrival time.

The last three and a half months I have been on a journey. I sold everything for this journey, and if I didn't sell it, I gave it away. I was so excited about arriving. But I never arrived, I just kept going. I threw myself in head first and enjoyed every minute. I opened up and gave my life. I stopped and took pictures at every new state I entered, I pulled over at rest stops along the way. I even leisurely walked through the gas stations.

It wasn't always easy, some days I tried to speed up, I tried to stick with the plan. Everytime I got frustrated because I wasn't at the right mile marker, I had to refocus and I would realize it wasn't about the destination, it was about the journey. Suddenly peace would come and I would know, this is right. So when I passed by Immigration Services I saw the mile marker and paniced. Thinking, "this is all wrong, what have I been doing? This is no time to lolligag!"

"So, what's your plan now?" I have no idea, I don't really have a plan. I'm waiting on God. Why am I afraid to say those words...I'm waiting on God. Why am I afraid people are going to think I am a fool? or a superspiritual unpractical person? It's really just the truth. I'm waiting on God, trying to have patience, anxious about what tomorrow will bring, and clinging to the promises He's given me. After all, isn't He all we have anyway. Everything else will go away, but He will remain. So, I will wait because I know that He is faithful. I am not sad, I am not disappointed. How could I be disappointed in God's plan? Isn't He perfect, does it not say that He causes all things to work together for good for all those who love God, to those who are called to His purpose?